Why people don't quit

Some of my friends have been one year away for five years.

The stated reasons vary. The real one doesn't: fear of change, and fear of running out. So they keep going, and going — because the number never seems enough.

By now I can finish the sentence before they start it: “What if something happens — what if the markets crash and I don't have enough? What if I can't find work again afterwards?”

Fair fears. But here's what I've actually watched happen, because some of the friends who leaned on me for years did eventually move.

What separated them from the ones still waiting wasn't money. The ones who moved went after the thing they actually wanted — and found their success in it. They invested, instead of leaving everything sitting in a low-interest savings account. They changed the way they live so that the life they wanted could actually happen.

The ones still waiting are waiting on the same number they were waiting on five years ago. It's grown. It still doesn't feel like enough. It never will — because the number was never the problem.

There's a line I've carried since my early twenties. It sat on my travel blog long before any of this: “Fear does not prevent death — it prevents life.” I read it somewhere, I couldn't tell you where, and it stuck because I recognised it.

I don't accept fear as a limiting factor. Something can worry you — fine. Worry is useful; it points at what to prepare. But fear should never be the thing that stops you. Understand your fears properly, and what's left isn't a wall. It's just the challenge in front of you — and challenges can be beaten.

And the way out of the loop? The cheapest first step I've ever seen actually work costs almost nothing: decide what you want, and do one real thing about it. A date in the calendar. A flight booked. The first money actually moved instead of planned. The loop runs on “someday”, and someday doesn't survive a date in the calendar.

One more thing, because this isn't a resignation letter: there's a version of not quitting I respect completely. If you love what you do — if you'd rather do it than anything else — why would you quit? Of course you stay!

But staying because you love it and staying because you're afraid look identical from the outside. Only one of them needs fixing.

So if you've been one year away for a while now, the question probably stopped being about money some time ago. What are you actually afraid of?